Glass Guillen
Last year: .276/.359/.394
3-year averages: .265/.338/381
Trend: consistently up, but he is 28, so that’s not really that special
Plays about 130 games/year.
Rich Aurilia
Last year: .277/.325/.410
3-year averages: .288/.335/.472
Trend: down, but only because his 2001 was spectacular
Playes about 140 games/year
Both players, statistically and scouting-wise, are average defenders at their position. Carlos, injury-hampered, has been adding power, then OBP, then power, and at 28 if he’s healthy (yes, I know) there’s a fair chance he’ll put together a full season where he hits really well. Like .285/.370/.420 or better. And that’s probably going to beat what Aurilia puts up here.
What’s the upgrade? Why make this move?
I’m not a big fan of Guillen, but Guillen’s young, and cheap, and he’s not the problem. If the team is determined to flush money down the toilet when they’re not lighting cigars with it, couldn’t they have splurged all at once and signed Vlad, then followed that up with a bunch of smaller, sensible decisions? Why this determination to take a hit from the crack pipe every week or so and make another bizarre, barely defensible move?
Bill Bavasi wants to bring in one of his old Angels players. Gillick tells him that the team only signs good clubhouse guys who can play the game the right way, which they figure out through standardized testing… and Gillick’s heard this guy isn’t too bright. Bavasi insists they give him a chance, so Gillick allows an interview and brings the guy in.
“What’s one plus one?” Gillick asks the guy.
“Uh…” the guy says, and looks around. “Two.”
“See, I told you, smart as a whip,” Bavasi says.
“What’s two plus two?”
The guy scratches his head, swallows. “Um… four.”
“Good job, kid,” Bavasi says. “You can do it.”
“What’s four plus four?” Gillick asks.
The guy shifts in his seat, sweats, looks around the room from Gillick to Bavasi… sweat pours down his face as he chews his lip and finally, he sighs. “Eight, I guess,” he says. Bavasi screams and drops to his knees.
“Come on Pat, give him one more chance,” Bavasi begs.
Happy New Year, everybody!
Ba-dum-bum.
Derek Zumsteg, ladies and gentleman. He’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server, and folks? Try the veal tonight. It’s excellent.
Okay okay. These two Mariners are warming up before a spring training game, watching one of the older players and his kids playing catch in the outfield.
“Man, that’s sweet,” says the first player. “That makes me look forward to having a family some day.”
“It’s great,” the second player says. “I love having my kids watch me play.”
“They’re here?”
“Oh yeah,” the second player says, turning to point. “Right behind the plate, rows 13-17.”
Fine, fine, I’ll return from my good-natured attempts at woman-finding-related humor to making fun of the Mariners.
McCracken’s uniform number in Arizona was six, for the number of home runs he thought he could hit that season. He wanted to set his sights high. He was going to go for a realistic but also optimistic number for 2004, but unfortunately Randy Winn has dibs on ‘2’.
One of these days, Dave’s going to get sick of Derek’s well-meaning solicitations for a woman and show up on his doorstep (admittedly, it’d be quite a drive) with a semi-automatic weapon of some sort.
I’m just saying, is all.
Since it took less than two hours to get a response from our well-meaning readers, I feel compelled to clarify that I am single by choice, and have no need to become less single. Derek’s good-natured attempts to find me a woman are humerous, but I’m really not sitting at home, leafing through the personals, wishing a female would knock on my door. So, while I’m sure there are plenty of nice, intelligent, compatible women in the area, they’d be better off beating down the door of other eligible bachelors, and the matchmakers in our readership would be best served finding someone else to be their next victim.
Whoever invented the tuxedo should be hung. Come to think of it, whoever invented weddings should join them. And yes, I know it is obvious that I’m single.
On that note from Dave, I’d like to point out that anyone who knows eligible women in Hight Point, or even the greater Winston-Salem area (who are willing to meet half-way) should drop us a line at ussmarinerblog@hotmail.com with the subject line: “Operation Make Dave Less Single”.
Now that I’m comfortably settled back in here in North Carolina (well, before I move from Winston-Salem to High Point on Thursday), I can contribute to the blog again. Some catching up from the past few weeks.
Thanks to everyone who came, and enjoyed, the first ever U.S.S. Mariner Feed. I had a good time, and more importantly, it appeared that most of you did as well. My apologies to Chris Colon, who got the message that it started at 6:00 and missed the first two hours, though he certainly made up for lost time with his rapid-fire questions. I enjoyed meeting a wide variety of our readers, and was continually amused by the fact that I was accused of being a statgeek on one hand, and then too obsessed with scouting within a half hour of each other. I have no problems being criticized, but please, pick one and stick to it. Also, big thanks to Pat Dillon and Mike Curto for being extremely cool and answering a ton of questions. I can’t guarantee my attendance, but I’m sure Jason and Derek will put together a U.S.S. Mariner Goes to Safeco event sometime in 2004. Only God can help Quinton McCracken if Melvin pencils him into the line-up on that day.
Also, I have officially talked myself into believing that 2004 is going to be a big enough disaster that Bavasi will be the Bill Plummer of Mariner GM’s, lasting but one season and inspiring wholesale organizational changes. Rational or not, that is my source of current optimism.
I’m not one to complain about days off from work, but New Years Day is the most worthless holiday we celebrate.
Whoever invented the tuxedo should be hung. Come to think of it, whoever invented weddings should join them. And yes, I know it is obvious that I’m single.
Does U.S. Airways realize that running from B13 to C29 in the Phildadelphia airport within 5 minutes should be an olympic event, and that I should receive a first round bye after my performance on Saturday?
If you have a relative who remotely likes photography or people, America 24/7 is a great book. It comes highly recommended.
Yeah, you’re right.
And in response to David over at Sports and Bremertonians — in case there was any confusion, don’t worry, I wasn’t condoning that awful, right-out-of-Howard-Lincoln’s-mouth piece of drivel. Just so we’re clear.
No you don’t, any more than we really wish that we could be ignorant and thus blissful.