U.S.S. Mariner

Glass Guillen
Last year: .276/.359/.394
3-year averages: .265/.338/381
Trend: consistently up, but he is 28, so that’s not really that special
Plays about 130 games/year.
Rich Aurilia
Last year: .277/.325/.410
3-year averages: .288/.335/.472
Trend: down, but only because his 2001 was spectacular
Playes about 140 games/year
Both players, statistically and scouting-wise, are average defenders at their position. Carlos, injury-hampered, has been adding power, [...]

Ba-dum-bum.
Derek Zumsteg, ladies and gentleman. He’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server, and folks? Try the veal tonight. It’s excellent.

Okay okay. These two Mariners are warming up before a spring training game, watching one of the older players and his kids playing catch in the outfield.
“Man, that’s sweet,” says the first player. “That makes me look forward to having a family some day.”
“It’s great,” the second player says. “I love having my kids watch [...]

Fine, fine, I’ll return from my good-natured attempts at woman-finding-related humor to making fun of the Mariners.
McCracken’s uniform number in Arizona was six, for the number of home runs he thought he could hit that season. He wanted to set his sights high. He was going to go for a realistic but also optimistic number [...]

One of these days, Dave’s going to get sick of Derek’s well-meaning solicitations for a woman and show up on his doorstep (admittedly, it’d be quite a drive) with a semi-automatic weapon of some sort.
I’m just saying, is all.

Since it took less than two hours to get a response from our well-meaning readers, I feel compelled to clarify that I am single by choice, and have no need to become less single. Derek’s good-natured attempts to find me a woman are humerous, but I’m really not sitting at home, leafing through the [...]

Whoever invented the tuxedo should be hung. Come to think of it, whoever invented weddings should join them. And yes, I know it is obvious that I’m single.
On that note from Dave, I’d like to point out that anyone who knows eligible women in Hight Point, or even the greater Winston-Salem area (who are [...]

Now that I’m comfortably settled back in here in North Carolina (well, before I move from Winston-Salem to High Point on Thursday), I can contribute to the blog again. Some catching up from the past few weeks.
Thanks to everyone who came, and enjoyed, the first ever U.S.S. Mariner Feed. I had [...]

Yeah, you’re right.
And in response to David over at Sports and Bremertonians — in case there was any confusion, don’t worry, I wasn’t condoning that awful, right-out-of-Howard-Lincoln’s-mouth piece of drivel. Just so we’re clear.

No you don’t, any more than we really wish that we could be ignorant and thus blissful.