Team meeting
In case you don’t read Jeff Sullivan’s blog (you’re missing out, really), read this. Sometimes, a good laugh cures a lot of ills.
Melvin: “We’ve all been in the big leagues long enough to know that losing 100 games stinks.”
Ichiro: “257?”
Dobbs: “Speak for yourself, coach.”
Reed: “Yeah, what are you talking about?”
Bloomquist: “Simmer down, guys, the skipper’s talking to you.”
Melvin: “Any veteran in the clubhouse can tell you just how tough it is, I mean psychologically, to lose 100 games. It can break your spirit.”
Boone: “Hey, I can put a spoon on my nose!”
Ichiro: “257.”
Melvin: “It reflects poorly on you guys, it reflects poorly on me.”
Boone: “Wait, no I can’t.”
Melvin: “I can’t speak towards my future with this organization, but a lot of you guys are near the end of your careers, and nobody wants to retire after losing 100 games.”
Reed: “Do you even know my name?”
Boone: “Why won’t it stick?”
Melvin: “I mean, do you think Edgar wants to leave on a sour note? All he wanted was one last shot at a ring, but things haven’t exactly worked out like we thought they would.”
Ibanez: “You have to lick it first.”
Melvin: “You’ve got to do it for yourselves. Everyone in this clubhouse has a lot of pride in their big league careers, both present and past.”
Dobbs: “Dude.”
Ichiro: “250, and 7.”
Boone: “It’s still not sticking.”
Melvin: “We know what we can do at this level. We haven’t done it most of the season, but if we play at the level I know we can for the rest of the year, then we can end on a good note and avoid those 100 losses.”
Ibanez: “No, no, that’s too much. Just a little moisture.”
Comments
9 Responses to “Team meeting”
Melvin: “I mean, look at Bobby. Bobby threw 133 pitches last night.”
Madritsch: “138.”
Meche: “Hey, coach, I bet I could throw 140.”
Pineiro: “So could I, if I wasn’t on the DL.”
Bloomquist: “Hey, where’s Edgar going?”
Edgar (slowly and emphatically): “I am taking my geoduck to Puyallup.” (leaves)
As a reader of this in Easter Time, it is starting my work day…. and what a great start it is. I’ll be thinking of additions all days.
Bloomquist: Mr. Boone, I think if you…
Boone: Shut up.
Bloomquist: Dobbs, Reed, we really should be…
Boone, Dobbs, Reed: Shut up!
this wasn’t funny at all. you must like SNL, too. And Margaret Cho.
To each his own eh Greg? I thought it was funny guys, but I’m a sucker for anything ripping Melvin and Bloomquist. Well done Sullivan.
For more end-of-season humor, check out Caple’s latest West Coast Bias column: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=1892769
I thought it was funny too. And, as a matter of fact, I love Margaret Cho.
Hilarious, as is the Cho and any SNL pre-1993.
But I’d bet a dozen Kremes that Raul Ibanez has never said the word ‘moisture’ in his entire life.
So begins the quest to get Raul Ibanez to say “moisture” on camera.
Bloomquist (in frantic bid for attention): “I AM BLOOMHOLIO! Are you threatening me? I come from Lake Titicaca! The streets will flow with the blood of the unbelievers!”