Laughing at ourselves
Tis a dark night, indeed. At some point in the next 48 hours, the M’s will announce the signing of Jarrod Washburn to the Eric Milton Disaster Contract. This award was previously known as the Greg Hibbard Memorial Contract, but Milton was awful enough to own the title outright going forward.
With the fanbase on the verge of jumping off a collective bridge, I feel like the situation needs a little levity. Serious analysis will come after the signing. For now, let’s all laugh ourselves to sleep.
Going shopping for Kevin Millwood and coming home with Jarrod Washburn is like fill in the blank. A few that hit me:
Ordering a pupu platter, yet being served a poo-poo platter.
Attempting to buy tickets to a DePaul basketball game, but accidentally ending up with tickets to a RuPaul show.
Drafting Baby Jordan, and then realizing that you came away with Harold Miner.
Going to see Cirque de Soleil in Vegas, but accidentally wandering into the Celine Dion concert.
Hearing Sean Connery is starring in a new film, and then seeing the League of Extraordinary Gentleman.
Being setup on a blind date by a friend with a model, and then finding out she was the before picture for a laser hair removal ad.
Like seeing 14 comments in response to a thread I posted on esoteric run values, and then realizing that 9 of them are by Corco.
A much better summary of the Everett child saga
Containing herein my best understanding of what happened, the courts, the distinction between family courts and why this is important, formed in consultation with a bunch of people who I really, really wish had been around when I first posted on this, before I went into trying to write this up long ago.
And with this, I close the book and hope this never arises again.
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Villone to Yankees
So much for his rumored return to your Seattle Mariners; Villone dealt from Florida to New York for 26-yo lefty Ben Julianel.
Mariners close to bloated Washburn deal?
CBS is reporting that the Mariners are closing in on a four-year deal with Jarrod Washburn worth between $36 and $38 million.
I am near-apoplectic. This is utterly terrible news that, if true, could have awful consequences on the franchise for years to come. Dave already ably explained why Washburn is notably bad. Let me just add that this contract would keep him a Mariner until he turns 36 years old. He’s older than Kevin Millwood and markedly worse.
Sometimes, taking the cheaper alternative is preferable. Not this time. Even if it takes five years and $50 million to get Millwood, that would be preferable to paying this type of scratch for Washburn.
Saturday: Me and Jonah Down by the Schoolyard
Well, actually, at Third Place Books in Seattle, at a joint Baseball Prospectus/USSM event tomorrow night. Besides myself and the talented Mr. Keri, there will be the ever-popular Special Guests To Be Announced.
The event will herald the release of Mind Game (which was airplane reading for one of my Vegas crew) and will be a chance for Jonah to preview BP 2006. I have a softshoe routine planned, or possibly karaoke. If you’re so inclined, come by to talk baseball with us and our secret pals.
Sat. Dec. 17, 6:30 pm
Third Place Books
Lake Forest Park Towne Centre
17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155
Tel: 206-366-3333
I’m kidding about the karaoke.
The Hit King Sits On The Strip
Hunter S. Thompson is dead, and I am in Las Vegas. This is equal parts appropriate and absurd, since I loathe excess and am embarassed by spectacle. But now that Hunter has passed, somebody has to bear witness. Read more
The tedious citations of Carl Everett’s 1998 child problem
Updated! More citation goodness and further sorting out of much contradictory writing! And more to come! Whee!
Since this seems to be the center of controversy, I would like to provide in one place a set of citations anyone who wants to argue this can go to. Though, frankly, the more I look into this the more frustrated I become.
If you’re particularly interested in detailed citations and related stuff, as well as me detailing exactly what I mean when I rant about the child abuse charges not being dropped, go right ahead (strictly speaking, child abuse charges were dropped or, in some stories, never filed, and it was in family court that a finding of child neglect was made, but I’ll rant about why that’s important later). Anyone with Lexis-Nexus access or with family court knowledge who wants to add or clarify is welcome to drop us a line.
If, like me, you’d really much prefer to move on, please feel free to do so.
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Fun With the MLB Photo Wire
Frivolous Friday links: If you haven’t been introduced to the magic of the MLB photo wire, take my word and take a gander.
There you’ll find a host of photos that, for one reason or another, won’t make it into your local Dead Tree Edition. In certain cases, you can even run your own private caption contest. Here are just a few examples:
“Hey, look! A dinosaur! Jeff Kent’s trying to steal your car!”
* “Please, Lord, let Major League Baseball adopt softball-like rules that allow teams to play five outfielders.”
* Marlins President David Sampson attempts to one-up Juan “Wiggly Feel” Pierre by getting busy with a beat-box to set up his new joint, “Fire Sale Delight.”
* “We loooooove The Leader! The Leader protects us from players with value!”
And, finally:
* “TheoEpsteinsayswhat?”
Try this at home: it’s fun for the whole family.
Wiki-pedia Gonzalez
The Nationals signed Wiki Gonzalez to a minor league contract yesterday. Perhaps taking a page from the M’s 2005 approach, they also signed three other catchers to similar deals with the hopes that one of them will stick as the backup next season.
Back With Jeff (Clement, that is)
So, did I miss anything?
After spending the past week in scenic Las Vegas — sans Internet access — I’d scarcely hit town before a barrage of news hit me like stones from Red Rock Canyon.
Carl Everett? What? The club has interest in Sidney Ponson? Rumors of a Jeremy Reed trade? What in the name of Asterix the Gaul is going on here? And speaking of magic potions, if the team does sign Ponson, can I get a personalized “Sir Drinks-A-Lot” jersey?
I’ll have a hopefully amusing and definitely surreal post up tonight or tomorrow about my baseball-related experience in Vegas. For now, I’d like to direct you toward this hometown paper feature on Jeff Clement. Happy reading.