Mariners produce annual crop of short brainwashing propoganda films
Designed to make you so excited for the coming season you vomit with excitement.
Eight of them. They’re only available if you have Windows Media Player v7 or “better”, presumably because the Mariners are paying off MLBAM though it’s still pretty rude to everyone out there who can’t watch because they’re not available in a more reasonable format.
A brief summary of the new commercials:
Yuniesky Betancourt, after being deemed a magician by Dave Niehaus, performs a series of tricks worthy of a ten-year old who went on a spending spree at the joke shop with the $5 he saved up from donating plasma on the black market.
Jose Vidro is not actually one hitter: the Mariners are violating major league roster rules by using two Vidros, one named Pepe, and disturbingly, the man in charge of the team’s rosters was not aware that he’d acquired both halves of the platoon, that both were in uniform (and had been for a year), even though he’d traded for Jose only a year ago*.
The Mariners pay so little for equipment that they risk one of the team’s best players in batting practice in order to protect an easily-replaceable coach.
After attempting to lure Felix into a mustache-growing contest to demonstrate their manliness and show up the younger, spotlight-stealing player, Jarrod Washburn and Willie Bloomquist find themselves again emasculated by Felix’s talent.
Raul Ibanez hints darkly at the future sexual humiliation new players are forced to undergo at the fluffy, warm paws of the Moose.
Ichiro! is sometimes spelled P-I-M-P
JJ Putz discovers that the fungo bat has been coated in strongly hallucinogenic pine tar.
I look forward to a long thread reminiscing about commercials past. Oh, those were the days. And we haven’t had a comment thread veer off into discussion of the good old commercials in oh, a few hours or so.
* Bavasi does crack me up in this, though.
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btw, I know they’re trying to push a player that supposedly works for the Mac, but it’s horrible.
If Bavasi didn’t know “Pepe’s twin” was on the team, you get to wondering if he also doesn’t know that people like Cairo are also on the team. These commercials might just explain some things.
Really not up to the usual par, like the Boonie Bat Flip, or even Ichiro pitching from center field. The Fungo Bat especially is just awful.
The mustache one is going to make me laugh all season long.
I was quite impressed with Raul’s acting. There’s a nice bit of comic timing in his delivery.
I’m only counting seven ads.
Among the endless catch-phrases idly exchanged between my spouse and me I think, “That’s a problem,” is by far the most ubiquitous.
mlb.com is the only site on the entire worldwide internet thingie that won’t play videos for me. Frustrating, kinda.
I’ll just read the comments here and figure that I’ve gotten the best part of the ads, anyway.
The line that cracked me up the most isn’t in the commercials, but appears in the Media Player library beside the screen: “Seattle’s Dickey happy with knuckler”.
No idea what it could mean, but it sounds kinda smutty.
Felix just showing his superiority in everything was good.
Honoring Beltre’s glove again was nice.
The Ibanez commercial cracked me up bad.
Can I still read this website?
btw, I know they’re trying to push a player that supposedly works for the Mac, but it’s horrible.
You talking about Silverlight? Meh. Whatever. Microsoft’s attempt to tread on Flash’s well-established market.
I viewed them last night on my PowerBook G4 via the Flip4Mac plugin. Seemed to work fine for me. A little slow, but that’s because I’m in the outer reaches of my wifi network…
Oh, and I sorta liked the fact that they somewhat carried on the Canadian joke from last year’s Moose commercial. Of course you have to know that Bedard is Canadian to catch onto that, I suppose. It could’ve been better, though.
The mustache one was hilarious… but it was hilarious when Penny Arcade did it 3 years ago: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/01/28
The thing with the moose – I was kinda hoping for a “he’s your new roomie” referencing back to the days when Moyer had to room with the moose on the road.
I always thought the commercials sucked anyway.
I thought most of last years commercials were pretty good. This years was terrible in comparison. I’ve always loved Mariner commercials. As far as this year’s goes, I liked the mustache one enough but I think I liked the one with Adrian Beltre the best. The others were terrible. Especially the Fungo one. I think maybe I’m missing something about it…
The mustache one is great, love the end part with Sexson. Beltre and Raul/Bedard/Moose one were good too. The rest were anywhere from average to awful.
The moustache one is one of their best ever. The fungo bat was painful. I kinda think at this point though, people are going to say anything is “not as good as….”.
I thought this year’s crop were pretty good compared with the past couple. The mustache one was particularly good. Sure beats Mariner’s home shopping network and Pokey Reese.
I thought the mustache one was classic, Wash makes it good with the look on his face.
And I am the only person on earth who thought the Fungo was funny I guess. I just like the awfully lame pun at fun-go.
“The mojo’s rising.” ??? I’ll be envisioning Austin Powers every time I hear that.
The Fungo commercial is far and away the best! Kenji dances! It doesn’t beat Olerud wearing his helmet in the laundry room though. Or anything Edgar says.
Haha are you guys serious? I loved the fungo one. Seeing Kenji dance was classic, and I cracked up seeing Morrow do his thing too.
C’monnnn
I didn’t like Yuni’s or Vidro’s. Honestly I wasn’t that big of a fan of the Fullness and Sheen either but it was probably still top 3.
Seriously, do you guys even remember the commercials from ten years ago? The Jamie Moyer change up? Boonie Buzz Cut Night? Or my all time favorite, the one where Russ Davis tries to learn how to dance? It was one of the only positive contributions Russ Davis ever made to the Mariners. Those commercials blew today’s out of the water. These ones blow.
“The mojo’s rising.” ??? I’ll be envisioning Austin Powers every time I hear that.
I picture Jim Morrison dead in a bathtub.
The commercials have been going down hill pretty much since Edgar retired. I think some of the problem is that the best commercials play off things we know (or think we know) about the players based on their public personas (Edgar, Moyer, Boone). Most of the current crop of players don’t have public personas, and several of the ones that appear to have a lot of potential in that area (Yuni, Kenji, etc) aren’t all that comfortable in English. (Though that can work sometimes: I will always treasure Ichiro saying “Dude…”)
But some of it is just a paucity of ideas, too. IIRC the M’s changed advertising agencies a few years back, and the home shopping network ads and everything since was the result.
BTW, since this is a TV-related topic: I believe the game on Sunday is televised (1:05, FSN)? Will there be a game thread?
I think Yuni really sells his commercial, though the magician schtick is too close to Ozzie Smith.
And why is Ichiro’s the only one that has fancy editing?
And the infomercial ads were definitely the worst ever. “This is a batter’s box… I like to hit home runs in mine.”
I hated the Mariners Shopping Network ads so much I wrote an email to the organization asking them, “How can you kick us in the balls with these lame commercials when that’s all we poor fans have to look forward to each year since you aren’t serious about a World Series title.”
Last year and this year’s are much better in comparison but still not up to the standard of “The Clapper” and “Moyer and the Moose”.
Lame. These commercials get worse every year. Am I supposed to be embarrassed when I watch them? I thought the point was for me to want to go buy tickets…
It’s a light bat…classic.
Thank Eagle Hardware And Garden for that one.
this is the second worst batch they have done.(shopping network)
I voted for the L screen.
on another note, the videos worked just fine on my macs.
I am easily entertained. I enjoyed Fungo and Felix the most. Every year there seems to be a classic created (except with the ‘05 shopping network crap). This year Felix takes the classic.
They all suck. What’s up with the odd reference to the Moose? Are they making fun of that guy from Enumclaw a couple of years ago?
WEAK DUDE.
For #12,
Classic Penny Arcade.
20: Re the new “Mojo’s Rising” slogan, rumor has it that mojo, loosely translated, is the Duwamish word meaning “ticket prices.”
24: Hmm…when did the former Bucs/Chisox/Tigers 3B turn up dead in a bathtub?!
Seriously, though, I’d have to rank that Edgar “light bat” ad from Eagle as one of my faves — alongside the one where RJ finds himself spending so much time at Eagle that he actually moves in there!
Ah, good times.
OK, all of you need to get down of off your cynical high horse and relax. The fungo commercial, the mustache commercial, and the Beltre commerciall all made me laugh out loud. That alone makes them worth it.
Do you hate the fungo commercial because they are obviously enjoying themselves and baseball isn’t meant to be fun? Seriously guys I just don’t get the hate.
27: Amen. I was seriously embarrassed to know that I root for these guys.
Occupationally, I work in Marketing and Promotion. An audience will always spot a phony from something genuine. If you intend to vault these guys as superheroes on the diamond or stars to pay $50 to watch play, then you can’t portray them as [bufoons]. Whether the joke is on them or they look like a joke horribly delivering horrible lines, they deserve better.
Did we outsource this ad campaign to a cheaper country AND hire the production/camera talents of Geoff Baker? Is the person approving these the same person that approves trades and free agent signings?
Embarrassing.
33: Why is it that if you don’t like a trade, don’t agree with a lineup, or don’t like a stupid commercial, you become a cynic or hater? I can’t believe that Derek and Dave continue to put effort toward this site when a mob is ready to call them a hater the moment that they write or suggest anything that isn’t the M’s flavored Kool-Aid.
So thewyrm, you only mentioned 3 of the 7 commercials. Does that mean that you approve of those three and you are cynical of the other four? I just don’t get your selective hate. Seriously.
‘Member the Edgar one where he goes everywhere with his bat, for a drive, out to dinner, etc. Then the bat breaks, and there is sadness. But when he gets a new bat, the sun breaks through the clouds, Edgar smiles, and we know there is more happiness for them.
I loved that one.
These were weak except “moustache” and Beltre’s.
I still grin when I think of Randy Johnson’s Mr. Snappy having a mind of his own….
I have to say, you all can compare these commercials to previous years, and maybe they don’t match up. But compare them to the rest of baseball. I live in Kansas City, the Royals commercials consist of the amazing “ask about the 13 game plan” and the equally great “ask about the 21 game plan”, and if you don’t like those, there is “Buy two, get one free”. At least the Mariners try to be funny and creative.
36. I couldn’t disagree with you more. Showing the players with a sense of humor and the ability to lighten up and have fun with themselves makes them seem more real, more approachable, and more worthy of spending your money on them.
Made to look like bufoons? Wow. On a side note, what was with that comment about Geoff Baker? His daily video feeds have made this one of the most exciting spring trainings of all time. Seriously, get over yourself.
My username says it all. The Eagle Hardware commercials with Edgar were some of the best commercials (Mariner related or not) ever.
36- You must realize they are professional baseball players and half of them barely speak English. Comedic timing is not a spring training drill. You have bad actors you get bad commercials, simple as that.
Label me a hater if you must, I still don’t understand why people enjoy watching commercials in general. I don’t get why people give two @^%$# for the old commercials of yesteryear.
41:
I’ll take this to heart from the guy that called most of this thread cynical, haters and uptight.
Baker is great, and the commercials looked like some of his video updates not super-professional. Sorry, maybe I was uptight when I wrote that.
Tone check, guys, come on. It’s too early in the morning for squabbling.
Actually my favorite ad is neither from Eagle nor the M’s. Hit it here Junior!
I’m not trying to be antogonising, but the way you guys are critiquing these commercials it’s like I can see you with a pencil thin mustache smoking a cigarette through one of those long holder thingies and sipping a glass of wine. This isn’t fine art people, nor should it be.
It is supposed to be goofy! It is supposed to make you laugh and get to like these guys better. Mission accomplished. I’m just saying all of you saying you hate these commercials just come off sounding like a total sourpuss. Lighten up and have some fun for crying out loud! Spring is here!
I have to say, you all can compare these commercials to previous years, and maybe they don’t match up. But compare them to the rest of baseball. I live in Kansas City, the Royals commercials consist of the amazing “ask about the 13 game plan” and the equally great “ask about the 21 game plan”, and if you don’t like those, there is “Buy two, get one free”. At least the Mariners try to be funny and creative.
That’s true. And it’s not just Kansas City. When I’ve been in other markets during the season I’ve seen a lot of bad, boring ads. A few teams try to be funny, but the results generally are even worse (then again, since the M’s commercials even in the good years are as many misses as hits, it’s hard to know if I’m seeing a fair sample). But for a lot of teams the ads have no entertainment value whatsoever, and merely exist to inform you that there are tickets available to be bought, and ask you to do so.
We’re spoiled. But hey, it’s like coffee and beer around here. Or seafood. Once you’ve tasted how good something actually can be….
(I’d forgotten about the Eagle commercials, and suspect I didn’t see all of them at the time. I haven’t looked — has anybody put them on youtube? )
#48. Around this corner of the internet we try not to be happy-go-lucky, blindly ignorant consumers of baseball. So why should we be happy-go-lucky, blindly ignorant consumers of baseball marketing?
You can enjoy something while taking it apart and considering it in detail. That doesn’t mean you like it less. It may even mean you like it more.
Sound familiar?
Wow, they’re just commercials guys. You act like someone insulted your religion. Oh wait…
And on topic, I don’t “get” the moose commercial.
My favorite is still the one where Pinella tells Cammy to move over a little to his left and then a meteor lands right where he was standing. That was great.
Yeah, seriously, we can’t have a stupid post about commercials without it getting all persnickity? Come on, we’re going to be reduced to posting pictures of kittens, at which point I assume we’ll be overwhelmed with complaints about kittens and the depth of field in the photo.
Are they replacement-level kittens?
You can’t replace a kitten.
I’d never complain about kittens. They’re always so tasty.
B_Con,
A kitten is easily replaced with a ferret.
Personally, I only watch for the commercials. Oops, wrong sport.
Kittens don’t have the veteran presence to stand up to bees. Nor the grit of ponies.
However, I do look forward to the Safeco outfield completely covered with balls of yarn.
Almost all of them got a laugh out of me–the only thing I find disappointing is the tag line, but those are pretty hard (and, I think, pointless) to come up with for sports clubs since most don’t “stand” for anything other than the sport they play.
The only team that I think has a remotely good motto is Barça: Més que un club.
I’m actually looking forward to logging on the 21st to see the bloopers and extra long fungo episode.
I like the Felix one the most. The best Mariners commercial was that 2002 one where the Mariners “played” the 1906 Cubs.
Next season they should make every ad like the Fungo ad. Dance parties with different players choosing the music. I just love me some ball players dancing.
#61:
You can see the bloopers right now in the P-I article.
Dance parties with different players choosing the music. I just love me some ball players dancing.
Didn’t one of our USSMers see Yuni dancing somewhere? I think it was Lauren, but maybe that’s just because I always associate her with Yuni. And with parties, dancing, and other debauchery.
I haven’t seen the link here, but it should be appropriate to provide a link to the M’s site with ALL the commercials dating back to 1994.
Gotta love the classics!
@ 42 – Man, I loved those Eagle Hardware comercials. Randy Johnson walking around Eagle Hardware in a bathrobe… soooo classic.
Just for you, DAMellen:
Russ Davis gets down…
Heh. I have the hat Rene Lachemann wore in this commercial.
They need to have a commercial that just features Red in the background dancing and worshiping Beltre.
They could hire Red as a kind of commercial mascot. Kind of like that weird little bald guy with glasses in the ads for Six Flags. Wait, that’s an awful idea. Forget I mentioned it.
They certainly could do an ad that leveraged all the fan enthusiasm for the rally fries. Between those costumes, Red, and the usual crowd signs and cheer shots you could put together a pretty fine “excitement” ad without breaking a sweat. I’ve never checked, but I assume you’ve waived all the rights to your likeness by attending the game.
They need to have a commercial that just features Red in the background dancing and worshiping Beltre.
I was at FanFest with Red and during the Q/A session, one of the folks that makes the commercials was there in the crowd and asked a silly question about the commercials, upon which I believe it was Rizzs pointed out who he was. I recall some conversation about them inviting Red down to ST to film the next series of commercials, but my old brain doesn’t recall the specifics well enough for me to remember if that was a convo I had with someone sitting next to me, or if someone suggested it out loud…
Come on, we’re going to be reduced to posting pictures of kittens, at which point I assume we’ll be overwhelmed with complaints about kittens and the depth of field in the photo.
Every time you argue pointlessly on USSM, God sends a swarm of angry bees after a kitten.
Please, won’t someone think of the kittens?
not commercial-related, but Edgar is on today’s ST broadcast, and it is so nice to hear him just sitting and visiting.
msb, yes, I am listening right now. It is a very nostalgic moment. I love to hear him and Dave tell stories.
With all this commercial talk I was kind of hoping to hear him say “I think we’ll play outside today” Or, when the broken bat went down the line: “Hmm, that’s a problem.”
“what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can’t you just use money like everybody else?”
I’m just happy to hear him say things like “it’s yust her tonsils” and (when asked if he still does his eye exercises) “NO!”
“a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker!”
i loved the fungo one, i thought it was hilarious.
They all stink but that’s why I have a TiVo and prefer to listen to games on the radio while doing something else.
Honestly, 2 out of the 8 didn’t make me cringe. That’s better than most PR campaigns I’ve seen in the past 10 years.
For every great commercial the M’s have put out in the past, they’ve put out 6 stinkers. We remember the ones we loved and conveniently stuffed the other ones into the corner recesses of our minds. Some of the ones being referred to here were put out by Nike and Eagle, not the M’s.
I’ll still take no commercials over any other alternative….
The Ichiro commercial was genius!!!!!
That was actually a nod to a old advertisement sign at Ebbets Field (home of the old Brooklyn Dodgers) right by the right field fence that proclaimed “Hit Sign, Win Suit” (which only one player ever won by hitting it on the fly according to Wikipedia). The “Fungo” commercial is the funniest and the one revolving around Yuni is quirky and funny in its own way. But my god, the Ichiro commercial was genius. What a great tribute to a somewhat forgotten time in baseball history.
You gotta love these guys – that was such a great slogan. Cause they really made you love the players as characters. Brilliant.
Then, there was my favorite commercials:
Junior inside pitchers head.
Norm Norm Charlton.
The ubiquitous “yeah, Shiggy!”
Why is abreviation such a long word.
Freddie gonna make it after all, like Mary Tyler Moore.
Ooo lah lah.
Edgar teaching the foreign players to say “Puyallup”
Last years were all garbage, except for Raul’s L one, cause its true, he can act.
Which beats Sturgeon’s Law…but just barely…
I hated the Mariners Shopping Network ads so much I wrote an email to the organization asking them, “How can you kick us in the balls with these lame commercials when that’s all we poor fans have to look forward to each year since you aren’t serious about a World Series title.”
When I read that, I suddenly had a mental image of the M’s execs sitting next to a vault filled with piles of cash, one of them laughing so hard he’s wiping tears, and saying “hey guys, look at this one, this is the best one yet!”
Bavasi kicks arse and the moose is, well, disturbing.
Finally, I’m a little scared to find out just what the mojo is…
speaking of old commercials – is there any way to find the old radio commercials? I think it was ‘95, when they did the “you gotta love these guys” – Edger… guy hits a frozen rope and walks old ladies accross the street, Danny – has that engineering degree to fall back on, etc. I’d love to hear those again…
Remember the one where A-Rod is consoling Joey Cora after a loss in Spring Training in ‘96?
I find it entertaining that so many ads now being mentioned as favorites were dismissed when they came out as ‘yeah, but they’re not as good as the ones in 19–’
Rizzs filling Blowers in on what he missed so far at spring training:
“and yesterday, Yuni drew a walk! …”
Re: # 15 – I always thought the commercials sucked anyway.
and # 32They all suck.
It’s not that they suck; it’s that the Ms are giving us them instead of good, sound baseball.
(And we’re satisfied.)
I think that whoever said that the problems, such as they are, are due to the lack of identifiably public personae among the players, is right. What makes those Edgar / Randy / Moyer commercials work is that we have a feeling for who these people are, or at least, they have a certain image that the commercials could play off of. Among the current players only Ichiro! really has an interesting public persona, although the younger players could develop their own with some time.
Someone really should do something to exploit Miguel Batista being a published author though. That alone provides good opportunities for comedy.
def. have to say that the best one of all time is edgar installing “the clapper” into the lights at safeco…and then the fans turning the lights on and off…classic…