This is exactly what I wrote about yesterday
DMZ · June 11, 2008 at 11:55 am · Filed Under Mariners
Tie game on the road, top of the ninth. Ichiro’s managed to get on base. Who do you want up?
If you answered “Willie Bloomquist and Miguel Cairo” congratulations, you manage a major league baseball team. It was a near miracle that they managed to get to Raul, who knew what to do with that wood thing you take up to the plate.
In terms of offensive talent, here’s how McLaren constructed tonight’s lineup:
Ichiro!
ass
ass
good bat
contact hitter
unsure quantity
power-only slugger turned into open-stance singles machine
decent hitter mired in awful slump
contact hitter
How do you not get canned for this kind of insanity?
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OMG! it’s the AssBats! they’ve been shipped the Twins AssBats!
How do you not get canned for this kind of insanity?
Work for management who embraces their own insanity and sees your actions as completely normal.
I think it’s time for a new contest, best response to the question, “What is Ichiro thinking as he stands on 1st in the top of the 9th of a tied ballgame as he watches a .160 hitter who’s already struck out 3 times today come to the plate?”
I have no response to this of my own, mainly because I don’t know how to swear in Japanese. Any takers?
Sorry. 🙁
Back to back ass. Nice job Mac.
Baka desu ne. Kore wa totemo baka desu.
I’d be giddy if scouts used ‘ass’ as an actual player skill rating.
Kono otoko wa yasai desu yo.
damn. if only I’d bought the AssBats tshirt two years ago. I would have worn it to the feed.
Isn’t it obvious by now? McLaren is just trying to get Strasburg.
Not only is Willie hitting .152 now, he has only hit the ball out of the infield 7 times this season.
On a happier note, I hear we’re lookin’ closely at a 5-tool unicorn from somewhere out on the peninsula. Word is he’s never K’d four times in a game before, plays multiple positions, and has some pop.
How about having Kenji bunt in the 7th inning when they’re down 1-0 and have 2 runners on with nobody out. Way to give an out back and reduce your scoring probability automatically, just when you have the opposing pitcher starting to really sweat. The fact that it turned into an embarrassing double-play pratfall might have been a teachable moment if Maclaren was capable of learning. I can almost accept the utter lack of talent on this team as a given, but I can’t stand this kind of in-your-face stupidity. I really think this takes the cake. Is Maclaren trying to be ironic or something? Is this some kind of theater of stupid? Because obviously he’s not trying to actually win baseball games. This season is totally Bavasi’s fault and everything but Maclaren is really beginning to piss me off.
“What is Ichiro thinking as he stands on 1st in the top of the 9th of a tied ballgame as he watches a .160 hitter who’s already struck out 3 times today come to the plate?â€
“If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited to see Willie at the plate, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.”
McLaren after the game: “This was a really good road trip, we played some excellent baseball”
Well, considering .500 season is probably an unreachable goal, a .500 road trip is really good, I guess. Yay for reduced expectations.
Makes you wonder why the M’s wasted a perfectly good first round pick in the draft on a Relief Pitcher when they could have chosen one of those Super Utility players to fill out their bench with. Let’s face it, the two ass brothers only have so many years left in them. We need to be drafting and developing their replacements!
6,8 – Must be good, ’cause I can’t find a way to translate them. I’ll make sure to avoid using these handy phrases around my Japanese friends so they don’t become ex-friends.
Oh wait…maybe I’m underestimating McLaren! Maybe he’s trying to build value in Cairo and WB so that some team might trade for their valuable tools to help them down the stretch for their playoff push.
Joser that was freaking awesome. I love Ichiquotes. (Or comical spoofs of them in this case.)
the fact that bothers me most is that somebody in the bullpen had to know jj is not ok. I blame stottlemeyer for even letting him get dressed cause obviously he is not ready
It seems to me this is one of the only times a sacrifice bunt really makes sense. With Betancourt and Ichiro coming up afterwards, there would be a pretty good chance one of them would put it in play and tie the game or take the lead.
Unfortunately, this team really can’t do anything right.
Just some high school level Japanese from many years ago, so nothing too offensive. I do know the word for “pimp” but couldn’t find a way to work it in.
“[This] is stupid, ain’t it. This is very stupid.”
“This guy is a vegetable!”
(Slightly offensive because of using “otoko” rather than “otoko-no-hito” for “guy”).
“Otoko-no-hito” sounds like the nickname I’d give Vidro if he was Japanese.
I’m pretty certain that bunting the runner from second to third with none out (or first and second to second and third with none out) is the only time bunting ever increases WPA.
Even then you need to weigh it against the other outcomes. The worse the hitter, the more sense it makes to bunt.
Thus, it makes sense for the M’s to bunt more often than for any other team.
I’d call him “Okii himo.”
My Japanese is still pretty poor, but I think “baka” is usually used in referring to people. So rather than saying “kore wa baka desu ne” (this is stupid) he would be more likely using it “Mclaren wa baka desu ne” (McLaren’s a fool) followed by “Bloomquist wa jyouzu jya nai, nan de Bloomquist ga yakyu ‘o suru? Kuso! Jya, hashiru!” (which in my bad Japanese I think means “Bloomquist isn’t skillful at all! Why is he playing baseball? Shit! Well, guess I’ll run!”) I’m sure there are a few errors in there somewhere but… That’s what I imagine him saying.