Anyway, you let your hubby have an ATV and a Harley?

Man, I so need to get a backbone….

There is NO WAY I’d inflict a intimate-garment shopping expedition on my husband. Not even a trip to Burlington Coat Factory. He trusts me with a credit card, so I go get these things myself while he’s off doing HIS thing.

There’s such a thing as TOO much closeness in a marriage, you don’t have to do everything together.

Best wishes, Dave. I won’t wish you good LUCK, it takes more than luck. Patience, understanding, listening when either of you have something to say, working out problems instead of avoiding them, planning your life together, but not every nitpicky little detail…and, of course, the obvious. That’s what a marriage is all about.

Signed,
Someone who’s cooked and done laundry for her man for 44 years…

Here’s a few secrets to a happy marriage. Take them for what they are worth:

1. Toilet seat down when you’re done (up when you’re not),

2. All clothes must now actually make it into the hamper-rimming out is no longer close enough

3. Stopping and asking for directions is like giving her a rose (she has to be in the car with you though).

4. When she says, “I don’t care what/where we eat”, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have an opinion-it means she doesn’t want the blame if what she really wants (and what she expects you to pick if you truly understand her) isn’t as good as she thinks it might be.

Now, here’s just a bit of advice that’s more survival related than anything. Do your absolute best to avoid going bra shopping with her. Invariably you’ll be on a trip with her and serendipitously you’ll end up in that section with her (apparently they always need a new one or rather they are constantly on a search for the “perfect one”). In other words, no shopping trip is safe (not even car shopping believe that or not). BTW, don’t suggest ebay if she laments how hard it is to find her favorite. Anyway, just realize that when you’re in that isle, eye contact must be avoided with anyone other than your wife (and frankly she might be the only one who won’t be paying attention to you-you’ll pretty much be ignored by her but you’ll feel the weight of a thousand eyes upon you). This is difficult because as you’ll surely find out, it’s not like there will be things on the shelf that you can pretend to read. That is just about as creepy to the women in that section as the notion that you’re watching them shop there. Don’t panic though and become chatty. It probably goes without saying that this is not the time for polite conversation with strangers (you’ll likely be the only male in the section). Your job is to look as attached to your wife’s hip as possible without actually getting in her way (you’re just a distraction to her at this point). Just hold the many boxes that she’ll throw at you and stare at the floor as much as possible. This is especially so when you find yourself on the bench outside the dressing room. It might seem like a perfect time to pull out your favorite tech gadget to innocently distract you. Unfortunately a lot of those take pictures so once again you risk the creepy factor. With some luck there will be another man there ad you both can loudly talk about power tools, football or mowing the lawn. And as a final bit of advice, don’t ask how much the ones she picks out will cost. She might wonder whether you want her to be truly happy or worse she’ll be guilted into putting the “perfect” one back. If that happens you’ll be blamed for it possibly for years afterward as it’s legend grows. Frankly, you don’t want to know how much they cost anyway.

Enjoy a week without the word, “Vidro.”

Better yet, DMZ is paying for all expenses.

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