You’re all wrong! Cairo is awesome!

DMZ · June 11, 2008 at 12:30 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

Cairo’s numbers don’t measure his value
subhead: Utilityman gets job done off bench even if stats say otherwise

Great headline, there, by the way. I’d love if my job performance was evaluated like that.
“Derek, you failed to do any of the tasks assigned to you all year.”
“Sure, but I got the job done in other ways. I made coffee in the morning, I always make sure the printer has paper on it, I volunteer to drive to lunch every day…”

Because right now, the actual doing-my-job part of the job is the hard part. I’d love to get paid for the peripherals.

TORONTO — If performance was always judged strictly on numbers, then it’s likely Miguel Cairo would no longer have a place in the Major Leagues.

He doesn’t — he plays for the Mariners.

But after listening to Mariners manager John McLaren rave about the 34-year-old, it becomes a little bit easier to understand where Cairo’s true value lies. He can play all four infield positions as well as the corner outfield spots and regardless of where he’s slotted into the lineup, McLaren knows what type of performance he’s going to get.

None?

Isn’t that exactly what they’re supposed to get out of Bloomquist?

“Stats are not what he’s all about,” McLaren said. “He has made plays defensively your best first baseman in the league would be hard to duplicate. He does the little things. Moves runners, he can squeeze, hit-and-run. I’ve always admired him.”

Um, assuming that second sentence is just clumsy and not a particularly ribald innuendo… no. He doesn’t move runners over. And as much as I’m a huge fan of the suicide squeeze and think it’s woefully underused, that doesn’t a player make.

So now we have two “super utility” guys, full of scrap and awesome little thing skills, and the team still can’t score runs, pitch, or play defense. I’m all for looking at the bright side, but could we maybe laud Felix or Ichiro or one of the players that has actually contributed to the team’s success?

He made a good defensive play and laid down a bunt. You could (and yes, this is frequently done) figure out how to make any player look good by citing a couple well-chosen examples. On Tuesday, they “sparked a rally” or “kept the pressure on” with a single, and their take-three-steps-and-fall catch becomes a “diving grab that saved a double” or whatnot.

Cairo is Bloomquist Lite. That as McLaren’s guy he seems to have eclipsed Bloomquist is sad, funny, and a terrible commentary on the state of the team.

Comments

33 Responses to “You’re all wrong! Cairo is awesome!”

  1. shortbus on June 11th, 2008 12:55 pm

    When I saw the headline pop up on MLB’s RSS feed I heard the distant sound of DMZ’s head exploding.

  2. don52656 on June 11th, 2008 12:57 pm

    I’m not totally sure that Cairo is Bloomquist Lite. Rather, I think that Bloomquist is Cairo Lite.

    Neither of these guys belongs on a major league roster (except maybe as a coach). However, Bloomquist can’t hit, he’s a lousy bunter, he has lost a step (check out his stolen base/caught stealing rates for this season and last), and he is an above average outfield but average infielder. He is an excellent baserunner. He has never played on a playoff team, and last year was the first year he’s played on an MLB team with a winning record.

    Cairo is a better hitter (faint praise) and apparently a better bunter. He is not the baserunner or stealer that Willie is, but he’s above average. He is an average to above-average infielder. He has played on numerous winning teams, and has at least one World Championship ring.

    They are both in their 30’s and their best days are behind them. But, if I had to choose one, I’d take Cairo.

  3. Jeff Nye on June 11th, 2008 12:57 pm

    Can you imagine how annoyed Bloomquist must be that he’s being out-gritted by Cairo?

  4. msb on June 11th, 2008 1:02 pm

    [thinks] Dammit. Grit is my middle name!

  5. Man From Nantucket on June 11th, 2008 1:05 pm

    On Monday’s FSN post game show, Bill Krueger said Cairo may be the best first baseman in all of baseball. Uh sure, if offense counts for nothing maybe.

  6. jro on June 11th, 2008 1:10 pm

    This is an obvious case of Mac clinging to intangibles because Cairo has no tangibles to mention. He was the last guy that Mac made a move with that resulted in a positive action (pinch-hit, suicide squeeze for winning run) to Mac is going to ride this horse for a long time. He made Mac look good once, so he’s the poster boy.

    It would be great if this was just a ploy to try to play up Cairo (and anyone else) in order to create perceived value for a later trade. However, I don’t think that’s the case. Mclaren likely “really” believes that Cairo has value when he likely wouldn’t be given a minor-league contract anywhere else.

    Never mind USSM. The only thing Mac accomplishes with these statements is to look ever more clueless among his counterparts. The rest of the league isn’t stupid. They know Cairo is worthless, and the players don’t buy into the manager-supporting-his-players bullshit.

  7. Xteve X on June 11th, 2008 1:10 pm

    Whatever tangential value Cairo brings by “doing the little things” doesn’t matter because IT’S NOT RESULTING IN WINS.

    This praise would be warranted if Cairo was playing the super-sub role on a team still in the race. Reading the article you’d think the Ms were just a game or two out of the division lead. Instead, they’re the worst team in MLB as well as the stupidest. The fact that Cairo just might be the best story on the team from the writer’s perspective is indicative of just how wretchedly, painfully, comically awful this team is right now.

  8. msb on June 11th, 2008 1:13 pm

    and unusually, it wasn’t written by Jim Street.

  9. LMF on June 11th, 2008 1:14 pm

    I actually laughed out loud when I saw “Stats are not what he’s all about,”. The exact same article, same headline and all, would not be out of place in the Onion.

  10. Jeff Nye on June 11th, 2008 1:16 pm

    Honestly, I can’t get too worked up about articles like this anymore.

    If it was my job to cover this abysmal team and have to actually find things to write about on a regular basis, I’d be writing fluff pieces too, if only as self-defense against permanent mental illness.

  11. smb on June 11th, 2008 1:20 pm

    How can you call Cairo “Bloomquist Lite” when Miguel is clearly higher in both saturated fat and total calories? Or is it that Princess Willie’s sweet 0-5, 4 K performance makes him the Krispy Kreme of empty-calorie baseball players? That would make some sense…

    Unless you are firmly in the Willie “Tastes Great, Less Filling” Bloomquist camp, that is.

  12. MattThompson on June 11th, 2008 1:22 pm

    Stats are not what heÂ’s all about

    Well this is clearly true, since statistics measure actual performance.

    There was a time when I could read a quote like this and chuckle at its theater of the absurd qualities. Not any more. We’ve heard and seen enough thinking like that from this team for so long that it’s simply become insulting. That they really expect fans to believe this baseball doublespeak is beyond words. Heck, I think I’ll start describing Cairo as doupleplusgritty.

  13. jsa on June 11th, 2008 1:23 pm

    #5 “Bill Krueger said Cairo may be the best first baseman in all of baseball.”

    And he was clearly being facetious.

  14. Joe C on June 11th, 2008 1:26 pm

    Whoever wrote that article is full of scrap.

  15. Elwood P. Dowd on June 11th, 2008 1:33 pm

    If I recall correctly, the justification for getting Cairo was so that we could use Bloomquist more and still have a utility guy on the bench, just in case. It’s clear now that we should play both Cairo and Bloomquist more, so we need another utility guy. I recommend we send down Balentien and try to acquire Ramon Santiago, as he is a proven commodity.

  16. don52656 on June 11th, 2008 1:36 pm

    From Geoff Baker’s blog:“For those of you wondering why Willie Bloomquist was batting second today, it’s becasue the team wanted Jose Lopez to hit fifth. He’s been their most productive guy for a while now and Adrian Beltre was supposed to get a full day off to rest. So, it wasn’t because Bloomquist is a great No. 2 hitter. It’s because the team needed a No. 5 guy and their options were limited. Hope that helps.”

    That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read. You want Lopez to bat 5th, fine. Never mind that Lopez gets more at bats batting 2nd rather than 5th. Never mind that the most likely guy to get on base today is batting first and it would be nice to have someone batting 2nd who could also get on base. How about Reed? How about Betancourt? Is the point being made here that Bloomquist was the second best option to bat 2nd?

  17. smb on June 11th, 2008 1:44 pm

    Ooooohhhhh, don, Baker is gonna be steamed when he reads that comment!

    I love the logic, even outside of the baseball sense. “The reason I used spoiled ham to make my sandwich this morning isn’t because spoiled ham is delicious or even edible, it’s because I needed the rest of the deli turkey for a snack I may choose to enjoy later in the day. Hope that helps you understand why I ate spoiled ham.”

  18. DMZ on June 11th, 2008 1:44 pm

    I just posted on that.

  19. irish on June 11th, 2008 1:47 pm

    From Geoff Baker’s blog:“For those of you wondering why Willie Bloomquist was batting second today, it’s becasue the team wanted Jose Lopez to hit fifth. He’s been their most productive guy for a while now and Adrian Beltre was supposed to get a full day off to rest. So, it wasn’t because Bloomquist is a great No. 2 hitter. It’s because the team needed a No. 5 guy and their options were limited. Hope that helps.”

    I realize you’re a good center fielder, Ichiro, but we really need someone who can play a good first base. Seeing as how you’re quick, have great hands, and can stretch so well, you’re the obvious choice.

    Don’t worry, Ibanez will be happy to play center field in your place.

  20. Mike Snow on June 11th, 2008 2:05 pm

    Ooooohhhhh, don, Baker is gonna be steamed when he reads that comment!

    Doubt it, his skin is reasonably thick and he’s just relaying McLaren’s logic, not endorsing it.

  21. Jeff Nye on June 11th, 2008 2:06 pm

    Isn’t he implicitly endorsing it by relaying it, though?

    At least when he doesn’t follow it up with something along the lines of “…seriously?”

  22. DMZ on June 11th, 2008 2:08 pm

    There’s a post on this.

    Also, I have no expectation that the beat reporter engage in that kind of analysis. It’d be great if they did, but I don’t at all hold it against Baker that he didn’t tear into McLaren for being a moron.

  23. Gregor on June 11th, 2008 2:29 pm

    regardless of where he’s slotted into the lineup, McLaren knows what type of performance he’s going to get.

    Hey, the same would be true if he put me into the lineup.

    Also, I am embarrassed that the author of that article shares my first name.

  24. westcoastbias on June 11th, 2008 3:46 pm

    That’s like two of DMZ’s funniest comments ever in one day

  25. nwtrev on June 11th, 2008 6:14 pm

    On yesterdays preview to the game there was a video clip talking about how “super sub Cairo” brings a lot to the team. McClaren “energy, good defense and good hustle.” Maybe the assignement was to go write something positive about the Mariners and that whole thing was tongue in cheek.

  26. bratman on June 11th, 2008 6:31 pm

    Oh man … once again I am utterly depressed … this season is very painful

  27. skipj on June 11th, 2008 6:32 pm

    Interestingly, Bavasi made a ststement today that somewhat echoes MacLarens’:
    “skipj is not about stats”, Bavasi said, “clearly, if he were, he would devote no time or money to this team.

    He imagines that burning $14 million on a non-productive 1’st baseman isn’t a horrific error. Every game he waits to see any shred of evidence that I might have been right.

    skipj does the little things, goes to games, watches games, listens on the radio…things we need in the revenue base.

    I’ve always admired skipj. With him I know what kind of revenue to expect.”

  28. nwtrev on June 11th, 2008 6:36 pm

    25 – This was on MLB.com preview to the game. I can’t find a link to it today. Probably for the best

  29. bratman on June 11th, 2008 6:45 pm

    Forget 9 Ichiro’s at every position lets just put Cairo at every position.

    Numbers don’t matter!

    Oh wait, I think it was the great Vince Lombardi that said:

    “If winning and losing doesn’t matter, then why do they keep score?”

    I spit on the Mariners organization. Yes, SPIT – straight Robbie Alomar style

  30. JI on June 11th, 2008 7:07 pm

    FJM style deconstruction. I like it.

  31. tgf on June 11th, 2008 9:03 pm

    Um, assuming that second sentence is just clumsy and not a particularly ribald innuendo…

    Bwahahahahahaha….awesome.

  32. Colm on June 11th, 2008 9:36 pm

    This article made me madder at the journalist than at Cairo. By quite a margin. Cairo is just doing what most journeymen athletes would – most good athletes too – he’s extending his career and banking more dollars by ignoring the sharp decline in his ability.

    But to write “Utilityman gets job done off bench even if stats say otherwise” is just terrible, lazy, willfully ignorant journalism. Imagine if we’d read the following headlines in the past month:
    “Economy roaring ahead – even if stats say otherwise”
    “House prices booming – even if stats say otherwise”
    “Nobody killed in Chinese earthquake – even if stats say otherwise”.

    Cairo will slope off to anonymity fairly soon, but Gregor Chisholm should be pilloried out of his job.

  33. sealclubber253 on June 11th, 2008 9:42 pm

    But after listening to Mariners manager John McLaren rave about the 34-year-old, it becomes a rdless of where he’s slotted into the lineup, McLarlittle bit easier to understand where Cairo’s true value lies. He can play all four infield positions as well as the corner outfield spots and regaen knows what type of performance he’s going to get.

    None?

    HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Thats one of the funniest things all year!

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