Your handy guide to next week’s storylines
DMZ · February 12, 2009 at 8:00 am · Filed Under Mariners
- The Kid returns an adult: Griffey is older, wiser
- More than just a sentimental move: Griffey to provide veteran left-handed power in the middle of the lineup
- Seattle welcomes a grown up Junior
- Return of the Prodigal Son: a long journey brings the Kid back to his roots
- Once the carefree Kid, Griffey returns to mentor a young Mariner team
- Healthy and with something to prove, Griffey seeks to rekindle flame
- In a sport wracked by steroid scandals, Griffey’s joy is a fan’s last refuge
- Junior moves in with his parents, to the house he built
- After years of horror, Griffey gives M’s fans something to smile about
- Griffey brings back memories of the glory years
- Junior looks to contribute in different way
- Familiar smile brings light to a dark clubhouse
- Hall of Fame career that began here may come to a fitting close
- Warm welcome helped convince Griffey to return
- “I always hoped to return to Seattle,” Griffey says.
- Griffey fails physical, deal to return appears dead
What am I missing?
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Griffey Actually Dead; Mariner Sportswriters Pay for Zombie Reanimation
Now nicknamed “The Adult,” Griffey sits back in his leather recliner and engineers the acquisition of younger brother Craig to play left field while he mans center, just like he once did with his father. M’s obtain future draft rights to Trey Griffey despite his being in junior high school.
“Junior Rolls Into Town…Bloggers Roll Eyes.”
Griffey cuts contract to gain support of moderate Senate Republicans.
Griffey contract “too big to fail”
Jack Z: “if we fail to act now, the LH bat situation will turn from a crisis to a catastrophe.”
Griffey Signing Has Immediate Impact – Physical Therapist Now Deemed Seattle’s Most Recession Proof Job
The return of the Six Million Dollar Man.
Now if he could just make that cool noise when he runs. Oh wait, his knees already will.
“My! Oh! My!”
At the press conference, Griffey hyperextends knee when he stands up, out for season.
Trade for Johnson or Swisher anyway.
Griffey Sure to Boost Season Ticket Sales!
/snark just for AKMarinersFan
Classic stuff. How about:
“Chuck Armstrong insists he had nothing to do with the move.”
Uh-oh… From the story on the M’s page:
“Down on the green: Junior putts, knees explode during Pebble Beach Pro-Am golf tourney.”
Bloomquist saddened that he will miss the return of his childhood hero.
I don’t understand why this Griffey signing prohibits another bat coming in. We all hope he fills the DH slot. Isn’t there room for Swisher in LF?
I’m sure there will be at least one story with the Headline:
“Ichiro finally achieves dream of playing along side Junior”
But Personally I’m hoping for something like:
“Washburn calls out Junior for wearing hat backwards”
Here’s hoping you missed “Zduriencik deals spare rosin bags, fungo bat to Nats for 1B Johnson.”
Griffey calls press conference, admits “I didn’t save baseball in Seattle”.
The Ancient Mariner is actually David Segui…
How about Like Father Like Son: Media Motivated Transaction bring Griffey to Seattle for uninspiring completion of career.
I basically regard this outcome as The Phantom Menace. Uninspired capitalizing on my childhood. Hopefully he isn’t so good that we have to re-sign him only to eat his collapse when the team is promising.
This would constitute a misuse of the word ‘prodigal’ which means wasteful, or, after the biblical story, repentant.
“Griffey to be featured in every Mariner commercial this year…A New Day, A New Way.”
Griffey Addresses Team: “You damn kids, get off my lawn!”
Silva Seen Trying to Eat Griffey: “I saw that giant fork in his back, what do you expect?”
Well, you have a point there. Ichiro and Beltre can’t carry the team’s commercials all by themselvs much longer.
My implication was intended to be that Griffey, having gone out into the world, regretted his decision to demand a trade and returned.
How about this one?
“If Griffey exclusively DHs against righties, he will make this team better.”
That’s a reasonable statement (doesn’t really take into account the fact that multiple body parts might explode and fly into the stands at any given moment) and I don’t think anyone’s really arguing that.
But I think we’re going to end up seeing much more of Griffey playing the field than we should, and that will almost certainly more than eliminate any value his bat adds; combine that with the fact that we’re likely to end up overpaying for him (if the 1 year $5 million number I’m seeing thrown around is accurate) and it’s not going to be a good situation.
Plus, if as rumored the contract will have incentives for PAs, will Griffey start pouting when he doesn’t feel like he’s getting enough at-bats to get to his incentive triggers?
Nothing Can Besmirch The Titanic Apogees Of His Chryselephantine Charisma
Kinda messed up that you literally have ruined the work days of a few sportswriters. now they have to think that much harder.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_to_ken_griffey_jr_we_wish
Griffey HR Powers M’s to 2-0 Start at Home – Attendance: 19,811
Perhaps, but there’s no room in the budget (Swisher’s in line to get $5.3M this year). Plus there may not be room in the OF if Griffey pulls a Raul and says he can’t hit if he’s not also playing the field. There’s no space for another starting OF (even if you assume Wlad is traded).
Having to do X “much harder” assumes they were doing X in the first place.
Yeah, the cognitive dissonance between the optimistic revival the slogan embodies and the unrepentant pandering to nostalgia that Griffey represents… just makes my head hurt.
Ken Griffey Jr. becomes left fielder #39
Remember how Griffey used to jab managment’s inability to sign a decent left fielder by always calling the scrubs by their number in the litany? Like Glenn Allen Hill was always “Number 23” when Kenny would shout at him from his leather laz-e-boy?
Ah, sweet irony.
How about “With Junior Back, Can Trey Be Far Behind?”