Live in Bellingham? Been To Spring Training?
If so, and you’re interested in fame, fortune and glory — or at least in being interviewed by the Bellingham Herald — hit me up via the backchannel e-mail address. A friend of mine is doing a story on Mariner fans just like you.
The Place I Live Now
“Good at-bat? That was a weak fly ball. Why don’t broadcasters ever say ‘good at-bat’ after a three-run homer?” asks Jonah Keri scornfully. “Now that’s a good at-bat.”
Albert Pujols has just lifted a lazy can of corn to right field, allowing the Cardinals to score a run from third base in game five of their soon-to-be-doomed cause. Jonah, Derek Zumsteg, another esteemed colleague and I have gathered at Haus Zumsteg to watch playoff games.
Quickly bored with the St. Louis offense, Jonah seeks out a deck of cards. Soon we’re playing penny poker, low-stakes Texas hold ’em. I can’t stay for the upcoming Angels-Pale Hose game, I inform our throng, since I’ve got a long drive home to Bellingham. This brings an unexpected query.
“Bellingham? Why,” someone asks with furrowed brow, “do you live in Bellingham?” Read more
The Feel-Bad Story of the Year
As we all know, Friday is Become Pessimistic About The Fate of Humanity Day. What better tale to start it off than this one, a sordid narrative about a Little League coach offering one of his players $25 to drill a teammate before a playoff game, the better to keep the weaker player off the field?
This would be sad and pathetic at any level of baseball, no matter what. It’s the details that make what Mark R. Downs Jr. is accused of doing all the more jaw-dropping. To wit:
* The kid who Coach Downs wanted plunked and injured was mentally disabled. Already, we’re approaching James Bond adversary level villainy.
* Keith Reese, the eight-year-old who says his coach offered him the payoff, testified that as instructed, he nailed his teammate with a throw to the groin — but the blow wasn’t hard enough, and Downs instructed him to hit him again, this time in the head.
* Downs allegedly admitted what he’d done to Reese’s father. Of course, the lawyer is disputing that. Coach’s cover stoy: The parent must have been confused from the time Downs offered a $25 bounty if anyone tagged an umpire. What? That’s your defense? He has this confused with another bounty?
Apparently, the coach had tried other strategies to keep the mentally challenged boy from playing, too, like telling his parents that certain games were cancelled. All of these are just allegations at this point, but Downs has been arraigned and will stand trial. The younger Reese’s account seems to paint a pretty damning picture.
Stupefyingly, the kid testified that Downs stiffed his little hit man! Sign up for fall league, and I’ll pay you then, ol’ Rifle Arm says the coach told him. No wonder the kid flipped on him.
Kicking down that 25 bucks might have saved him 25 years. If this story is accurate, even wearing David Byrne’s suit from the “Stop Making Sense” video, as he appears to be in the linked picture, isn’t going to generate enough sympathy to save him.
The coup de grace (or is that coup dis-grace?) comes in the last paragraph: “League organizers have said Downs won’t be allowed to coach again if he is convicted of criminal charges … Downs is not suspended and remains a coach in the league.”
Dave Bliss is probably still the most loathsome coach of the last 10 years, but if half of these allegations are true, this guy’s number two with a bullet.
The Women’s Debate Institute
As some of you know, both myself and DMZ are alums of academic debate. Just found out during an outing to the Aquasox game that Dave is, too.
Please excuse the off-topic post, but if you’ve got a daughter in high school debate, or if you are a girl in high school debate, check out the “More Inside …” Read more
Levity
Totally non-Mariners related, but since it was a day off, and the season hasn’t been roses and chocolates, I figure we could all use a laugh. And, honestly, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. If you read Bill Simmons regularly on ESPN, you’ve probably heard of Paul Shirley, the white guy who sits on the bench for the Phoenix Suns and wrote some amazingly funny stuff during his run as a blogger during the regular season.
Well, I hadn’t realized that they brought him back for a playoff blog, so I was doing some catching up, reading through a few entries. And his entry on height had me rolling. Here’s a few of the highlights:
Most of my colleagues are quite tall. I am no exception at 6’10â€Â. When in captivity, on the basketball court, I am able to easily forget the fact that my bones are stretched to an extraordinary length because I am surrounded by other members of the freak show. Not so when I am released into the wild. Then, I am forced to remember… by stupid people.
First, let’s start with the obvious. Telling me I am really tall is not a great conversation starter. It’s like walking up to a well-endowed girl in a bar and telling her she has nice breasts  it’s, A) creepy, and B) obvious. She’s heard it before. It is not a new tactic and is not going to lead to a conversation that ends well. The same (sort of) is true for me. The only possible response available to me is, “And you’re really smart.†The encounter basically marks the asker as an idiot and me as a bastard.
These are all more tolerable, though, than the nearly-out-of-earshot comment. Oftentimes, when I walk by, I will hear whispers: “Wow, look how tall he is,†or “That guy is really tall.†It’s as if, by being tall, I was not blessed with fully functional ears. Were these people not taught how to use their inner monologues? Yes, I am quite tall, but I know that. Any observation to that effect by others should be kept on the inside, unless the participants are willing to bear the consequences. I don’t go around saying everything that is on my mind, but I could. If I did, the airways would be full of, “Well, now that guy is an example of why they made abortion legal,†and, “Why, exactly, were those two people allowed to procreate?†I think we are all better off with my silence so, no more height questions.
You have to read the whole thing.
Non-smoking establishments
Hey, I have to take some high-falutin’ noble to a game this week, and he’s insisting that cigarette smoke upsets his delicate constitution. This rules out many of the cheap-beer bars that tolerate me. Does anyone have suggestions for decent non-smoking bars/restaurants within walking distance of Safeco that we can patronize?
I’d like it to have good beers on the cheap.
Not dead
I’m not dead. Really. We’ve actually been here for about a week now — we arrived last Monday, got the keys to our place Tuesday and our stuff showed up Wednesday — but are so far without the DSL Verizon promised us. Depending on who you talk to, we’ll either get it May 10th or… never. The latter situation according to the technition I tracked down yesterday, who said there isn’t even DSL running to our development and that they never should have let us order it in the first place. So… it’s looking like cable. In the meantime, I’m on a 45-minute limit computer here at the Arlington branch of the Poughkeepsie Public Library System.
Quick trip summary: Seattle WA to Yakima WA; Yakima WA to Hope ID; Hope ID to Billings MT; Billings MT to Rapid City SD; Rapid City SD to Mitchell SD; Mitchell SD to Minneapolis MN; Minneapolis MN to Milwaukee WI; Milwaukee WI to Chicago IL; Chicago IL to Cleveland OH; Cleveland OH to Philadelphia PA; Philadelphia PA to Pleasant Valley NY. (I’m doing that from memory, so it might not be 100% accurate, but I think it is.) Approximately 3,350 miles all told. We saw Little Bighorn Battlefield in Montana, Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, The Mall of America in Minneapolis, Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, The Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, ate pizza in Chicago and cheese steaks in Philly. We also stopped at more travel plazas, ate more fast food and paid more tolls than I care to for the rest of my life.
In any event, I hope to be back up and running in the next week or so. School starts next Monday and I’ll try to get an update on that blog, too.
David Cameron Photography
Okay, its a non-baseball note, and its total self-promotion, but forgive my indulgence for one post.
I launched my new photography site at davecameron.net this afternoon. It’s 100 % flash, so if you’re on dialup, well, practice patience or check it from work or something. But for those of you with broadband connections, check it out. And feel free to leave comments, critiques, and opinions in the responses below. The site isn’t completely done, but I felt like I had enough up to make it public.
And, if you know anyone in the southeast who is looking for a photographer, or if you want to fly me out to Seattle to do your wedding, just drop me a line. I’ll even throw in the baseball talk for free.
Adventures in gnoming
Please enjoy this fine tale of mischief.
Man… Conor… do we know anyone named Conor?
(Also MSNBC, many other places)
Jetta update
Thanks to everyone who expressed interest or offered advice; I agreed to a sale this evening with a USSM reader. You guys rock.