Drinking in Safeco

Disclaimer: I offer this as a humorous guide and for informational purposes to help steer you towards good places to drink. I do not want you to drink in general or particularly to drink at the games. If you're going to drive anywhere, you're best off not drinking at all or finding someone who doesn't drink to drive. Please, don't drink and make an ass out of yourself at the game, and especially don't drink more than you should and get into serious trouble like killing someone.

I'm serious, if you're going to be an idiot, it's your own fault.

So, on to the guide.

People like to complain it costs them over $20 for beer over the course of a game. These people are stupid.

Here’s how to do this: go to a Pioneer Square bar, drink three delicious microbrews for $2.50 a piece, and once you’re inside the stadium, do a little maintenance drinking, 1 beer, $5.50, and still leave the game under the legal limit.

Time	Event	Cost	Apx BAC	Feeling
5:30	Delicious Beer	$2.50	0.02	Quenched
6:00	Delicious Beer	$2.50	0.04	Happy
6:30	Delicious Beer	$2.50	0.05	Nicely buzzed
6:45	Walk to Game			Wheeeee
6:55	Hassled at Gate	free		Annoyed
8:05	3rd inning beer	$5.50	0.045	Nicely buzzed
10:05	Game ends		0.02	Thirsty again

That’s a whopping $13, but of course you’ll want to tip well when you’re drinking early for so little and your bartender keeps them coming.

These numbers assume you’re me, a 200-pound guy. You’ll want to adjust the drunkenness according to your own schedule, weight, and gender (if you’re a woman of 150 pounds, you’d end the night with a BAC of about 0.06, which is trouble). Be sure to work out the numbers first, because unless you took the field in uniform, driving back from the game carries insanely nasty penalties that’ll put you in the poorhouse even if you manage to get off, which is unlikely. 0.04 is driving impairment, 0.08 is where the legal nightmare begins. Search on Google for a decent calculator to do your own work, or here's one from the Minnesota Institute of Public Health that looks okay.

Now, to business. Drinking around Safeco Field.

A note on listings: Where I had them, I’ve got the price and number of varieties of cheap pints (Bud and below) as 2 <= Bud, and of good beers (better than Bud) as 2 > Bud. Taps do change, but the numbers should give you a general idea of which way the selection skews, and if you’re more likely to find Fat Tire/Redhook or Lite. Because of the here-and-gone nature of specials, you may get much better or much worse prices than I did, and the taps may change. Also, because of the here-and-gone nature of drinking my way from bar to bar before games, my notes may be subject to wild errors.

Pyramid Alehouse, 1st and Royal Brougham Way, 1 minute walk to game

$4+ pints, all beers > Bud

Pyramid DPA is one of the greatest beers ever, a delicious and creamy drinkable thing of beauty, worth the price. But before games, you can’t get in, there’s a 45m line to be crunched into the bar, the service is overwhelmed and frequently awful when you can get their attention using, say, road flares. Lead time on food can mean you miss the first pitch if you’re not careful.

The beer garden offers all the crowded, nowhere to sit, moron-jostles-your-beer-and-doesn’t-buy-you-another charm of being inside, but instead of terrible service you get to wait in long lines only to find they sell their slowest-moving beers (like Pyramid Keg Leavings, a zesty 10% yeast brew). The garden is like a beer trough for yuppies who want to be seen holding premium beers. Moo, yuppies, moo.

Mariners Outback Steakhouse Outpost, vacant lot south of Safeco, 1 minute walk to game

$4?, 2 <= Bud, 2 > Bud

This partnership between the M’s and the Outback Steakhouses offers the terrible food of the Outback prepared in a portable kitchen, the poor prices you find inside the park, served up in a ramshackle lot with two picnic tables and a stool that are occupied 3 hours before game time. So no, I didn’t hang around long.

On Deck Pub, in front of the Stadium Exhibition Center, 2 minute walk to game

$3.75 Bud, $4.25 good beers, 2 <= Bud, 2 > Bud

At some point in the season, they’ll have something like this set up in front of the Seahawk Stadium Exhibition Center. It’s got the short picket fence and plastic tarps, and works like a refugee camp, except that instead of getting bargains on brand new AK-47s in crates, you’ll be paying too much for beer with too much head.

Sluggers, Occidental across from Seahawks Stadium, 3 minute walk to game

Pre-game: $3 Bud, $3.75 premium taps, 4 <= Bud, 10 > Bud

Sluggers is a cool hole in the wall, long and narrow. They’ve got great taps and will serve you the good beers in real glasses. Sluggers also runs specials, so you might, for instance, get a gigantic plastic glass of high-alcohol Budweiser for $4, $5. That’s a deal, alcohol-to-dollar-wise. Their collection of autographs on coasters includes Gaylord Perry, which is worth coming for all by itself. Service keeps up even in the rush.

King Street Bar and Oven, King & Occidental, 5 minute walk to game

~$3 Bud, $4 premium (look out for specials: I drank there for $2.75/premium pint on Wednesday), 4 <= Bud, 8 > Bud

Nice place down a level, music was a little loud, the bar itself only has ~6 stools, there aren’t a lot of tables either, but I’ve never had a problem finding somewhere to sit. Service is good but runs slow in the crowds. Sandwiches and calzone are remarkably good for bar fare.

Tiki Bob’s Cantina

This is where the UW Greek system hangs out before they hit the center field beer garden. Which means I’ve got no interest in drinking there.

Triangle Pup, First and Railroad Way S, 5 minute walk to the game

This place is packed and people dig sitting out on the porch. Advertises 20oz drafts of Rainier for $2 all day, every day. I couldn’t get service after standing around at the bar for a good five minute walks waiting for a beer, so screw ‘em.

Pioneer Square, those three bars up by First and Washington, ~10 minute walk to the game. All three have a couple plastic tables out front where you can abuse Seattle’s no-drinking-unless-the-bar-appropriated-the-sidewalk laws and get panhandled by winos who can’t legally drink on the other side of the fence. All are pretty good:

Larry’s Blues Cafe

$2 Bud, $2.50 premium, 2 <= Bud, 13 > Bud

It’s smoky, a little sleazy maybe, but $2.50 Fat Tire pints on gamedays? I’ll inhale some carcinogens for that kind of deal. Service is better in the bar, but a little smokier. Out of all the bars, this is where I go before games. Not that you should too: if I can’t find a stool I’m going to be pissed.

Central

$4 premium, but there are gameday specials, 5 <= Bud, , 8 > Bud,

“Seattle’s Oldest Saloon” beautiful old wood bar, where cracks are filled with grime and wedged-in pennies.

J+M Café and Cardroom

$4 premium, 4 <= Bud, 7 > Bud

The bar is low, the stools high, which makes my well-practiced bar lean look stupid and painful on the knees. Good service, nice pours, chicken wings are tasty.

There’s also some other places to drink, like the New Orleans, and the Bohemian Café, which has some gameday specials on beer, but you get the point: instead of watching batting practice, which ends way before game time anyway, get some food and drink some beer. Eventually though you need to head in to the game, which means you’re about to spend a lot more money. Drink cheaply while you can, and then walk on down.

Inside the park, you’ve got a lot of bad options. Every concession stand has taps, at least a domestic and a microbrew. There are almost 20 microbrews served within Safeco, which beats the hell out of most every other stadium anywhere.

Don’t drink them. You’ll want the Bud. Why?

Beer	Form	Cost	Fl Oz	Alcohol*	oz Alcohol	$/oz Alcohol	Drinkable?
Bud	Draft	$5.50	16	5.00%	0.80	$6.88	Y
Large Size Draft Bud	Draft	$7.25	20	5.00%	1.00	$7.25	Y
Bud	Bottle	$6	16	5.00%	0.80	$7.50	Y
Bud Light	Bottle	$6	16	5.00%	0.80	$7.50	N
Doc Otis Lemonade	Bottle	$6	16	5.00%	0.80	$7.50	N
Large Size Draft Micro	Draft	$7.75	20	5.00%	1.00	$7.75	Y
Redhook ESB	Bottle	$6	12	5.40%	0.65	$9.26	Y
Redhook ESB	Draft	$6.50	12	5.40%	0.65	$10.03	Y
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale	Draft	$6.50	12	5.30%	0.64	$10.22	Y
MGD/other crap	Draft	$5.50	16	3.20%	0.51	$10.74	N
Fosters	Draft	$6.50	12	4.90%	0.59	$11.05	Y
MGD/Coors Light	Bottle	$6	16	3.20%	0.51	$11.72	N

* alcohol percent measured by volume

Because Bud is by far the best alcohol delivery option available that won’t leave your eyes bloodshot and the bitter taste of ass in your mouth. Is Bud great? No, but with that kind of price difference you’ll get used to it. Not, though, that the new larger draft size for Micros puts it not far off the price range of Bud, and pro-rating that enjoyment through 20oz... well, you don’t need me to tell you that can be a worthwhile investment.

Check out how outrageous even that bargain 22oz Bud is, though, compared to the bar specials:

Outside Safeco
Beer	Form	Cost	Fl Oz	Alcohol*	oz Alcohol	$/oz Alcohol	Drinkable?
Pioneer Square Bud/Domestic	Draft	$2.00	16	5.00%	0.8	$2.50	N
Pioneer Square Micro	Draft	$2.50	16	5.00%	0.8	$3.13	Y
Local Bar Bud/Domestic	Draft	$3.00	16	5.00%	0.8	$3.75	N
Local Bar Micro	Draft	$4.00	16	5.00%	0.8	$5.00	Y

Your worst, not-on-special beer is still way cheaper than anything you can get within the ballpark.

Back to the topic at hand: you’ve stepped inside the gates, and you need a beer. You can also buy beers at concession stands, where it’s $6.50 for a 12 oz premium (Redhook & like taps) and $5.50 for a 16 oz cup of domestic (Bud, Miller, etc). That’s right, you’re paying $1 more for 4oz less. This year there are also the $7.25 20oz domestic and $7.75 20oz premium cups, too, which is a much better deal on the premium and not-such-a-great deal on the premium. All the stands have that ridiculous two beers-per-transaction rule (it’s not a carpool lane, guys, it’s beer).

There are a couple spots where you can buy and enjoy your delicious brew. For the common ticket holder, there’s the beer garden, which is rented out for company events all the time and when it’s not, is overrun by Bud-drinking fratties and their Coors Light-drinking girlies. Still, it’s sunny and offers great views. Best place to drink in the park is the Bullpen Pub, west of the beer garden, where if you get there early enough you can get a seat looking out from under the manually-operated scoreboard through that bunker slit. Unfortunately, people have caught on to the buy-a-$6-ticket-and-sit-in-the-Pub-all-game scam, which means those good seats can fill up twenty minute walks after the gates open.

There’s a full bar on the second deck and I’d run down the costs but if you’re hanging out in the Wealth Club deck, you’re not going to be concerned about the cost of well drinks. Here’s to you!

By putting a little thought into your gameday planning, you can put together a much smoother, more economical drinking curve that will allow you to enjoy an alcohol-assisted Mariners game for under $20. And go read that disclaimer again.

Drinking Cheaply around Safeco Field